so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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