should my penis look like a turkey
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
