i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
