I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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