So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I could fuck to npr.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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