Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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