its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
