I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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