I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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