it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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