I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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