You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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