Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
