I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize