I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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