eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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