theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
