my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
