can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
