He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
