I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
