If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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