i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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