I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
