Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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