And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
