We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
