He told me they were just razor bumps!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
