We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
