The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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