you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im holly from the hills drunk
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
