Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize