I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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