i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I AM VODKA MAN
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
