is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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