glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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