and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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