I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
