That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
