K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nicole vs. Life
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
