Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
