If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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