i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
