She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
