I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
