3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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