if only i could text you this smell
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
