I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
