I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
