In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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