The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
