'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
