and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
