i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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