The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
