you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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