they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
