strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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