I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
look no pants
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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